Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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