Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
