Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You are the jesus of drinking
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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