I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
