He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
