I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize