By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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