she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
