He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
