i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
