but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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