can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
