There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just invented taco cereal.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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