Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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