is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
