my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
