She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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