See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
pray to the hookup gods
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
