Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
