I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
