your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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