the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
