I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
