He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
