Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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