dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
