remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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