Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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