i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
