I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
