Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
