UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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