bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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