i don't like sucking hair
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sober January is a disaster.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
