omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
