I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
did you just send me my own nude
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
