"it" just moved
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
