mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
