"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
oh god the rape fog is back!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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