I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
