He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
