No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
