I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
