at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
