if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
