i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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