Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
