apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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