I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
