I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize