oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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