I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
