i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
