Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
