Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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