some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
