I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
