Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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