We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
