Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
