Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
