She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
