just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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