i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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