Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem

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(904): View more from Florida

Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.

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(914): View more from New York

Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?

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(631): View more from New York

I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.

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(573): View more from Missouri

just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks

(1-573): View more from Missouri

the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..

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(540): View more from Virginia

He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding

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(438): View more from Quebec

Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.

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