his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
