Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
