I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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