i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
