I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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