I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
