I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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