Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize