im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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