why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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