Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
