She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
