I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
