tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
