Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
