I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
