remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
