he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
