Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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