I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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