dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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