So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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