He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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